Unloved? Anxiety?

Some days like today I feel like I’m at the bottom of everyone’s list of priorities. Like everyone just thinks I will always be there or no matter what I won’t leave. I hate it when I am sitting there and I actually get a pain in my chest and then it goes to my stomach and my heart is racing. Anxiety. Something I’ll never escape. Is this why people think I’m too much? Is that why I cant keep a consistent relationship? I just want to know when it will go away. That’s not even the worst part. It’s the worst when it moves to my legs and then my whole body just ends up shaking and I finally just collapse as cry. I just want to go into a shell and not talk to anyone but then I feel guilty for not talking to people. Like I feel like I’m being rude taking time to myself to calm myself down. Then the questions pop up. What if I don’t go who’s going to be mad? If I ask them this are they going to get mad and leave? Are they going to think I’m crazy? How much longer do I have to be around this person until they leave? I’ll never leave though because I want to spend as much time I can with them before they go away…

~Isa

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