Tag: love

So sad today

So I don’t know why but I’m just really sad today like I just am in a funk. I hate feeling like this cause things with me and my man problems are smoothing over but I still over think. I still wonder. I was doing so good but I don’t know it’s just not a good day. I was so happy. I just need to quit thinking like my thoughts ruin everything. I’m eating more than I was at least….20 pounds later. Trying to reverse the damage from my previous mental state.

~Isa

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Butterflies

Good god. Have you ever just had a flood of all your feelings for someone hit you all at once. When they kiss you, I don’t care where, but your whole body feels it. When they say certain things to you it just makes your want to live grow stronger. Hearing them tell you they want you just makes your heart feel like it’s going to fly out of your chest. The thought of them just so much as touching you makes your stomach jump. Or even just one look. That one look they always do and they know the look they’re doing. They know it drives you insane. And in those moments and feelings you forget about everything else going on in the world. In those moments you feel everything else just lose it’s importance. All the problems, the drama, or just all of the past bull shit just leaves your mind for those moments. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says cause you’re just in the moment with them. You never want to let go.

~Isa

Ok yeah this is starting to sound like a sad girl who just got dumped and has no friends to talk to about it. Accurate.

Ok so I’m sorry I’m so whiny. It’s probably super annoying. But if I vent openly to anyone around here let me tell you everyone will know my business so fast. I miss the cute shit. The hand holding while driving. Hangin by the pool. Going places together knowing we were going home together that night to cuddle and “cuddle” then wake up to each other the next day. I miss his house feeling like my house. Like my side of the bed is MY side of the bed. Most of all I miss his lips being mine to kiss. Not someone else’s. I miss laughing contagiously and the stupidest little things. I miss hearing about concerts and thinking to my self “we are going together and we are going to have fun together”. I miss him being the reason I smiled a little bigger than usual. I miss his warmth… No, literally he was hotter than hell all the time like a furnace I would wake up sweating. Of course I didn’t care and I thought it was funny. Haha. I am a firm believer in “all good things must come to an end” now. God please never put me through this again with whoever the next may be because I don’t think my heart can take this anymore.

-Isa

Unloved? Anxiety?

Some days like today I feel like I’m at the bottom of everyone’s list of priorities. Like everyone just thinks I will always be there or no matter what I won’t leave. I hate it when I am sitting there and I actually get a pain in my chest and then it goes to my stomach and my heart is racing. Anxiety. Something I’ll never escape. Is this why people think I’m too much? Is that why I cant keep a consistent relationship? I just want to know when it will go away. That’s not even the worst part. It’s the worst when it moves to my legs and then my whole body just ends up shaking and I finally just collapse as cry. I just want to go into a shell and not talk to anyone but then I feel guilty for not talking to people. Like I feel like I’m being rude taking time to myself to calm myself down. Then the questions pop up. What if I don’t go who’s going to be mad? If I ask them this are they going to get mad and leave? Are they going to think I’m crazy? How much longer do I have to be around this person until they leave? I’ll never leave though because I want to spend as much time I can with them before they go away…

~Isa

Thoughts from my bath tub.

I wonder what it’s like to fully understand where your life is going. Like you know where you stand with your person, your friends, and maybe even your family. I know some people struggle with this often because I do everyday. I wonder what I guess I’m worth in someone’s life. Am I like a diamond that people love and cherish or dirt that people step on and move on and don’t care about? I know I’m one of those to certain people but who? Who and I dirt to or who am I a diamond to? Who values my being? Does it even matter at the end of the day who does and who doesn’t? Probably not because those who don’t value me or my time most likely unhappy with themselves. So if you don’t have people who are unhappy with themselves around what could possibly weigh you down? I wonder I guess where I’ll be in the end and who will I have with me?

Kisses, Isa

Reassurance

One thing that I constantly need which I’m sure some of you can relate to is the need for reassurance. This has probably ruined a handful of my relationships/ friendships and I just sit and ask myself, why I need it literally everyday all day. But then my thoughts began to drift and I started to have thoughts like am I wrong for wanting these things? Or am I really the problem? In my opinion it is human nature to want to be wanted. It is human nature to want to feel the security of someone else being there for you because nobody wants to go through life alone. That is why once you let yourself get emotionally invested into a relationship and it is suddenly taken away you feel that feeling that something is I guess missing. It isn’t wrong to ask things or wonder because that person should be able to give you that reassurance and if they can’t they just aren’t what you need. Now, this doesn’t mean leave whatever your relationship is with someone because they were too busy with work or whatever their thing they do is to tell you you’re the one or they do want you. But be sure to keep your eyes open to what is around you and all of the signs. Reassurance doesn’t have to be words either though. It can be actions such as “Oh I saw this at the store and thought of you so I got it for you!” And it doesn’t even have to be anything expensive it could be a box of little Debbie cakes or I don’t know insert whatever junk food or even wine I guess that you enjoy. Some people aren’t good with words so they find different things or ways to give you what you need. Keep in mind as well that no one has the right to make you feel wrong for how you feel.

Kisses, Isa