About a week ago I tried to end my life. Not the first time. One thing people don’t tell you is that right before it happens you don’t think about how everyone else is going to be sad. You think about it like you’re doing them a favor. Like you’re not gonna be missed and that you are doing good cause you’re just burdening people with your feelings of depression and anxiety. You think it’s the right thing. I’m still wondering why I’m here but for now I don’t want to be gone. Just have to wait til I break again I guess or something. Unless things stay ok then I guess I’ll be ok but I have a lot of doubts. I have been thinking things like who should show up to the hospital or my funeral. The sad thing is that I know a lot of people would. My family would be completely baffled by the amount of people I know that they didn’t know I knew. I know all these people and I still feel like a problem. I still feel like I should be alone. I just keep moving on and pushing on because I can’t escape this. No one understands it around me everyone thinks I’m selfish. The worst part is the people who stay just cause they feel bad. Those are the ones I want to go away.